After settling in at the new hospital and happily off the respirator, it was time to face the world. My medical staff thought so but I was not ready yet. I began to question my identity. Was I just the guy in the wheelchair or was I the same kid before I got injured? My family thought the latter of course. I tried to find excuses but nobody was buying them. The day came and I and a group of patients from the hospital went on a field trip to of all places, the Mall of America. The Mall of America was significant for me. It was where I worked, hung out, and met a lot of friends. Would some of those friends recognize me or would they avoid me? When we arrived I was miserable and uncomfortable the entire time.

Looking back now, I am glad it was the first place I visited. I was pushed into facing my fears and I overcame it.

My recovery continued well enough that I was transferred to a specialty hospital. I was on a respirator and I could not imagine living life on a respirator. I prayed to a God to help me and answered. The specialty hospital helped me tremendously and I continued to get stronger without the respirator. I still have a long way to go but getting off the respirator was a significant victory for me.

As I lied in that hospital bed trying to comprehend how this happened, the hospital staff was preparing to send me to another facility to continue my healing process. The hospital transferred me to another facility that treats ventilator patients I was glad to go because I did not want to spend the rest of my life on a ventilator let alone a wheelchair. I trusted God and did everything I could do in my own limited power.

As I began to get better, my condition was downgraded to stable. I was moved to a different floor. That was the beginning of the healing process. The next goal was to get off the ventilator. I did not want to be on a ventilator for the rest of my life. I just couldn’t imagine living like that. I was determined to do anything in my own little way to avoid that.

The news of my injury had traveled. Some of my classmates saw it on the news and others read it in the newspaper. I was recovering in the hospital and thinking about my future. Will life as I knew it ever be the same? Will I fully recover and walk again? How could this have happened to me? I was not a bad kid. The questions were too many for me and I was not getting any answers. Anger and frustrations began to manifest in me.

Still in shock, I began to relive the day. Questioning every decision I made up till the moment. I started with where I parked my car. Why did I park in a location I don’t normally park? I began asking myself. Can you imagine my frustrations? Unable to speak or write but have so many questions I want to ask out loud. Anger and frustration were the only things I was experiencing. I did not want to be in that hospital. I was not alone. I had my family by my bedside. Communication was difficult for me and them. Where was I going to go next?

After hearing the devastating news from my Dr., I was lying there in shock. I could not express my frustrations verbally because I could not speak being on a ventilator . I thought this was not suppose to happen to me. What was I going to do now? No. This doctor is wrong. This has to be a mistake. So I thought. The thought of what the doctor said made me angry. I did not want to see him or hear what he had to say.

The doctor told me and my family that I had sustained a Spinal Cord injury and I was never going to walk again. I was 18 years old. Prior to that day, I had never heard about Spinal Cord injury before. The news devastated me and my family. I was shocked! I thought he must be mistaken. Maybe he had the wrong chart or he was in the wrong room. I disagreed with what the doctor said. This could not be happening to me.

I do not remember being transported to the hospital but there I was in the Intensive Care Unit. I was heavily sedated with medication. I was on a respirator and unable to speak. I tried to move my arms and legs but I couldn’t. I felt like I was trapped under a house or something that heavy. I did not know how bad I was injured. I thought maybe after a week or two I would be discharged from the hospital and go home and things would return to normal. When my status was changed from critical to status I began to recognize my family who was by my bedside. They wanted to know what happened. Still unable to speak, I could only blink my eyes when I had to respond to what they were asking. After observing my family presence and the fact that I was alert, it was time for the doctor to deliver the devastating news.

We arrived at the dance and exited my car. I got out because I had to use the bathroom. After that, I got back in my car and was ready to leave when my friends came back and said they were not allowed to enter the dance. They needed a ride home. It was hard to say no because we lived in the same complex. They got back in my car but this time my friend with the gun was sitting in the back seat right behind me. I could not see what was going on but from the conversation it appeared he was playing with the gun. The other friends told him to put it away.

A minute or so later, I heard a loud bang! I was instantly thrown against the steering wheel. The back of my neck felt like it was on fire! I didn’t know what had happened. Everything was happening so fast. I heard people screaming. Some were swearing. I began to inhale fast; then it became faster. I could not exhale! I felt like I was drowning. The voices went from loud to silence. I started seeing flashbacks not of my life but of the moment my friend showed me the gun earlier that night. I thought I was going to die. I was afraid and did not want to die. I remembered saying, “God please don’t let me die here”. The next time I opened my eyes’ I was in the hospital.